50 Things My Toddler Taught Me

“In meeting you, I found me.”


Motherhood is the trickiest, most rewarding and complex club any woman will every be apart of. In honor of my daughter’s 2nd birthday this month..I give to you..

“50 Things My Toddler Taught Me” (This list is brutally honest, honestly funny, and real)

  1. You look fine the way you are. All those years of gym memberships, perfect make-up, toned physique means nothing in the eyes of your child. They love you. They see the real you.
  2. It’s okay to cry. There are days you will fall apart and break down and convince yourself that you are the worst mother in the world. Heads up, that’s normal and it’s okay.
  3. The house is gonna be a mess. There are days when you will applaud yourself just for doing a single load of laundry. And the days you WASH your hair AND do your MAKEUP will feel like the ultimate mom win.
  4. There’s no such thing as perfection. We are so easy to look at social  media sites and believe that’s reality. I promise you my reality reel would contain the SAME yoga pants, yesterday’s mascara, and some random food substance on my shirt and in my hair. Newsflash– It’s usually a food you don’t even remember having.
  5. Pinterest is your friend. Looking up how to bake/make certain things, make sure your child is growing at pace with everyone else, and trying to find ways to be super entertaining is essential.
  6. Your body will never look the same. After you have a baby, you get this idealized image of how you want your body to be. I hit my goal weight 2 months post partum and you still won’t see me in a bikini. And why, the distribution of weight changes. AND THAT’S OKAY. You brought a life into this world. No one expects you to grace the cover of Maxim.
  7. You will say “REALLY?” more than you ever thought possible. Sometimes I just stare at my daughter in sheer amazement that she really just did that thing or said that thing. For example, in the grocery store she goes, “Oooh all the beer” or the time at Target she asked the clerk to play “Big Bang Theory” for her. COME ON.
  8. You will never bathe or go to the bathroom alone again. I thought that was a joke. I had a high chair in front of the shower until she could walk. Once she could walk she would just hang out by the glass doors knocking and giggling. There was actually a time I was going to the bathroom and she busts through the door to throw her bottle at me because she wanted milk.
  9. Date night will change. My husband and I recently made a picnic in the living room with Cafe Rio and a scary movie while Ellie napped. As long as you make the time for one another that’s all that really matters. It doesn’t need to be a fancy schmancy ordeal.
  10. Your husband gets sexier. My husband was already the sexiest man I had ever met, but seeing him with our daughter is one of the greatest sights I will ever see.
  11. You will lie about food. “Mmm it’s so good!” “Doesn’t everyone love pears?” “You better try some before I eat it all.
  12. You will befriend women who parent like you. Meeting a good mom friend is like finding a needle in a haystack. SO.DAMN.HARD but once you find them, you hold on to them like dear life.
  13. You will no longer judge the stroller walkers in the mall. You will embrace them. You will high five them for taking the time to get out of the house and socialize with their friends.
  14. Sleeping in will become a foreign concept. My childless friends who say they’re tired are probably the funniest people in the world. You don’t know tired. Tired is when you’ve been up every other hour with a small human latched to your boobs and you’re so uncomfortable you want to cry, but you suck it up and deal. And even once breastfeeding is over, it’s so easy just to watch your tiny human to ensure they’re breathing. Because yes, you really do care THAT much.
  15. The messy bun is a look. Before babies I would whip out the curling iron like it was nothing. Now if the curling iron is coming out–I better be going some place good, people better have their cameras, and it better be acknowledged. Otherwise, not worth it.
  16. Half-eaten frozen waffle is totally a meal. There are mornings I eat the rest of her waffle while I attempt to drink my hot coffee…which brings me to my next point
  17. What is this hot coffee you speak of? I think my husband is in awe of how quickly we go through K cups, but mama needs her coffee hot. I really need to invest in one of those things you put under the cup that keeps it hot.
  18.  You’ll reward yourself for small accomplishments. You went to story time without a meltdown…ooh sounds like mama earned a cheeseburger!
  19. You’ll shave your legs and make sure everyone knows. “Woo why yes I had time to shave today. Sexy right? Yeah I know.”
  20. The days you wake up early and you realize you actually have time to read a book will feel like paradise. It’s the little things that will suddenly become the big things. BTW you NEED to check out “Woman in Cabin 10” by Ruth Ware. (Also I am mid book so PLEASE no spoilers)
  21. You will take pictures of the rooms you clean. I send my husband photos whenever our house is clean as a way of “See I can do it all” and to give myself the illusion that I am SUPER MOM, but in reality it’s usually a pig sty by bedtime.
  22. You will argue with a small version of yourself. My daughter is my mini me. She has my stubbornness, my spirit, and my talkative nature. It’s hilarious when she gets mad at me, because it’s a lot of “nfajghksghsblahblah gah mama!!!!”
  23. You would do LITERALLY ANYTHING to ensure the safety of your child. I had no idea you could love someone as much as I love her. I would protect her in any way I could without ever thinking it through.
  24. You’re still you. I think when you become a mother it is so easy to lose your identity and feel as though you’re not as sexy or pretty or smart. But, that’s simply not true. You’re an even better version of you and you can never forget that.
  25. You will suddenly love family-friendly shows. I am suddenly super interested in 7th Heaven. My husband thinks it’s hilarious. I have no idea what is going on, but I can’t watch Law & Order SVU anymore. Because, Hey, that’s somebody’s daughter!
  26. Taking a bubble bath will feel like a luxury spa. Bath time (you know minus the array of toys on the edge of the tub and the tiny human roaming around going “Ooh the bubbles”) is actually one of the most relaxing times I get.
  27. Your car will look like a crumb-store explosion. Remember that new car smell? Yeah, neither do I. Crumbs will invade every nook and cranny of your vehicle and it won’t even phase you.
  28. Those who judge you won’t matter to you. Everyone is going to have an opinion on your life, your parenting style, your appearance, what have you. Once you become a parent that stuff sort of goes out the window and you only focus on those who matter.
  29. You will take a thousand photos a day of your child doing God knows what. My in-laws got a picture today of my daughter holding a giant waffle pillow. Why? Because it’s freaking adorable and you’ll do it too.
  30. The silence will worry you. You will become so accustomed to crying or laughing or pure chaos that hearing nothing at all is far scarier.
  31.  You will want to hug those with crying children. I feel you. I’ve been there. I get it. I know what it’s like to be at a nice restaurant and hold your child the entire time, because there was no way on Earth she was touching that high chair.
  32. Self-care matters. It’s not only okay to take care of yourself and your needs, but it’s essential. You need to take care of you in order to take care of others.
  33. It’s okay to get Chipotle for dinner. There are days you won’t feel like cooking. You’ll be exhausted and the kitchen will be a mess and picking up food isn’t the worst thing in the world.
  34. You’ll want matching PJ’s for Christmas. So cliche. So necessary. Then you’ll be extra cliche and cheesy and take a family photo in front of the tree.
  35. It’s okay to need extra compliments. Being a mother is a really thankless job sometimes. It’s a lot of work and some days you really need to hear that you look beautiful or that you’re doing a really good job.
  36. When you find a couple that you and your spouse like–hold on to them! My best friend’s husband is very close to my husband. Our daughter’s are best friends as well. It’s beyond wonderful.
  37. Jeans are fancy. The days that you wear jeans are usually the days when your hair/makeup is done and you’re feeling like hot stuff. And that’s okay.
  38. You’ll create new lingo for your curse words. And you’ll get creative with any sexy talk!
  39. Necklaces are a thing of the past. I couldn’t tell you how many times my daughter has tried ripping it off my necklace or trying to steal it for her own. Not even worth it anymore.
  40. You’ll find yourself singing children’s songs. I couldn’t tell you how many times I have hummed “Mama finger mama finger where are you?” Bahhhh.
  41.  You’ll make brushing your teeth a whole ordeal. I brush my teeth, add a teeth brushing song, do a little dance, do this quite a few times a day in hopes my child will get excited to do the same.
  42. You’ll ask your husband “I’m still cute, right?” As a stay-at-home mom it’s so easy to feel run down, not cute, not noticed, etc. It’s nice to still feel like you’ve still got it.
  43. Good deals= Good time. Finding the best deals and the best selection is a bit essential as a mother. You’ll get so excited that you’ll want to announce your find to other mothers in hopes they will be just as thrilled as you are.
  44. Your purse will become the great abyss. I have absolutely no idea what is in my purse, but I know it feels like a stack of bricks at any given time. Always gotta be prepared!
  45. Fake nails aren’t worth it. As a mom, getting a manicure feels like a waste of time and money. I have no desire to sit there for an hour let alone have nails I can easily make a mess of. I’d rather squeeze in the time at home to paint my nails. Pedicures on the other hand…give me all the hot water and foot rubs!
  46. Starbuck dates are a thing. My best friend and I go to Starbucks once a week just to catch up. We both agree we run on caffeine and girl talk.
  47.  Throw your plans out the window. It’s really easy to want things to go a certain way or to plan every aspect of your week with great accuracy and desire, but realize, as a mother, that’s insane! Do the best you can and I swear that’s good enough.
  48. Makeup isn’t needed. I used to wear makeup every day until I became a mom. In having my daughter I became really comfortable in my own skin. Suddenly, I felt perfectly fine with a naked face.
  49. Pots and pans are good play toys. My daughter steals all the pots and pans. Plays with them, lines them up, carries toys around in them, etc. It is what it is.
  50. Blogging is therapeutic. Having an outlet to communicate with other people about my life, my hobbies, and my child is a wonderful thing.

11 thoughts on “50 Things My Toddler Taught Me

  1. I love it! 😁 jeans for sure are fancy at my place, im a mom of 3 boys and if you ask me if its hard ill say YES but theres no other place id rather be then with them, sometimes i have to pick them from preschool early because i miss them 😔 , and im starting this blogging journey ill fallow you and invite you to take a look at my blog thanks 😊

  2. I’m passing this on to my daughter. She has a crazy, mini-me 3 year old and a 3-month old, and is experiencing how hard parenting is. I appreciate her honesty, because I remember so many women who acted like it was easy and their kids were perfect and somehow they never had spit up on their perfect clothes! Great post.

  3. Haha matching Xmas pj’s! I always thought I was too cool for such things until one day I realized that me and my girls were wearing matching hot pink turtle sweatshirts. You just have to embrace it at that point!

    1. Ha it happens! My husband was like “I’ll wear whatever colors you want, but I’m not wearing ANY matching flannel with you two!” 😂😂

  4. I had a good laugh, a few actually. #15, #29 and #37 True and Hilarious. They say it gets easier when the kids are older… Uhmmm My son is 14 and believe me #30 and #47 are still accurate. Thankfully, we can do #50. Great read, Candace. -Dominique

    1. Haha! I love it! Thank you SO much. Oh I have a feeling I’m gonna have my hands full when this one is a teen! Thanks so much for the love and the feedback 😍😁

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