I decided to make this post as a way to help couple’s (or any relationship for that matter) simply communicate BETTER.
My husband and I read this story about a professor who shared with his students the analogy of a jar of rocks. (Perhaps you have heard this concept before!) In his story he shows his students a jar full of big rocks and asks his students if the jar is full, they reply, “yes.” To which he pours in some smaller rocks and again his students reply that it is full. So he proceeds to add some even smaller rocks and finally slowly pours in sand. FINALLY the jar was ACTUALLY FULL.
He asked his students if he were to change the order of the rocks around if he would be able to keep the jar full in the same way. He would not. You see, if he poured the smaller rocks or even the sand in first, there would not be enough space for the big rocks. The big rocks must go in first.
It’s the same way with people, relationships, priorities…life.
You must figure out who or what in life are your “Big Rocks” and ensure that they come first. Everything else can be filler later. You can make room for everything else, but it’s those big rocks that are necessity.
My husband and I have held onto this analogy. It’s a great reminder and a great way for us to refocus our energy on the positive and on each other. We are both incredibly busy people. We are also two very different kinds of busy, which is a nice thing to keep in mind as well. Whenever he becomes so busy and I start to feel as though I am an afterthought I always say, “But, I’m a big rock.” It may sound silly to you, but it’s our way of letting the other person know “Hey, I know you may be busy and overwhelmed right now, but don’t go forgetting about me. Money, work, chores, errands, etc. they come and they go, but ME, I’m not going anywhere. I’m always going to be here and I need you to remember that I am the big rock…not any of those other things.”
This has really helped us re-center our way of thinking. We are best friends and we are in love, but we are also human. It’s easy to become tunnel-visioned with all of the elements of just living from day to day, but you must never become so busy that you forget the importance of your partner. Never take your partner for granted. Remember they are CHOOSING to be with you just as you are CHOOSING to be with them. And what a beautiful blessing that the person you have chosen to love and spend your life with, feels the exact same way.