EVERY single mother at one point or another has felt some version of mom guilt. And honestly, most will admit they face it at least once a day. But, do we talk about it? No. No, of course not, because then we would have to admit that we are human. But, we are so unbelievably busy being weighed down by our superhero capes to own up to such a thing.
SAY IT WITH ME NOW, “I am only human and I am doing the best damn job I possibly can.” I tell myself that every single day. I also remind myself that my child is only 2 and she’s being the best little 2 year old that has ever walked this Earth–with her stubborn, moody, brilliant, fiesty ways. She’s intended to get into trouble, ask a million questions, be curious about the world around her, and get frustrated when she doesn’t understand something. She’s just 2. Bottomline. She’s just 2 and I am only human and together, we are doing the BEST DAMN JOB WE POSSIBLY CAN.
As a stay-at-home mom I face mom guilt often. I’m a perfectionist and a planner by nature. Two things that when you become a mother need to not just be thrown out the window, they need to be launched so far off the face of the galaxy that at some point when hearing the words, “perfection” and “plans” you look confused, shrug your shoulders, and dismiss them because you have absolutely no idea what that person could possibly be talking about. I idealize my days. I imagine clean bedrooms, toys put in their proper place, laundry all done and neatly put in piles, an overflowing fridge and pantry, a workout without any interruptions, hair and makeup flawless (because I didn’t have a small child decide that my eye liner would make for a good crayon or my eye shadow would be better viewed as finger paint). I imagine this and wholeheartedly would like it to go as smoothly in reality as it does in my mind. But, that’s not real. I had to create a new semblance of normal.
So, what do I do???
My child watches “Toddler Tunes” while I get ready. They have music, letters, animals, and such. She is learning. But I will rid myself with guilt, because my child is in front of the TV. Something I said I would never ever do. It’s SO SO SO SILLY. She’s fine. She’s healthy, happy, learning, and FINE.
I give her a box of cookie cutters, or stack all my cans of soup, or the piles of coupons from the newspaper so I can prepare dinner. There is apart of me going, “Hmmm..I wonder if other mother’s have children seating neatly at the table while their mother prepares a meal” and then mom guilt sinks in. Perhaps, I have done it all wrong. And again, reality smacks me in the face and goes, “Motor skills, she’s happy, she’s enjoying herself, she knows she’s more loved than anything else in this universe, but you want to sit there and feel bad?? You fool.”
You see you’re probably going through social media accounts looking at children perfectly posed in a photo or a mother whose “Just woke up look” looks like a Neutrogena ad, and you’re suddenly questioning yourself as a mom. “Wow, she has it all together!! Maybe it’s me! Maybe I have done something wrong or just not enough.”
You have no idea the level of bribery that went into those family photos or the amount of takes that woman took to get that look. Social Media is just a small percentage of what is real. So please do not base your barometer on your motherly skills from that. Know that other mothers face the same struggles you do. We ALL get mom guilt. We ALL question ourselves and ask if we could be doing more. And the fact that you care at all just proves what a wonderful mother you already are.
You are human.
You’re one heck of a mother.
And you’re doing just fine.