Hello All & Happy Thursday!
Let me start off by stating- I realize I am a NEWLYWED and you may take my advice/opinion with a grain of salt. I am by no means a relationship expert. I am however someone who is incredibly interested in having quality relationships (not only with my spouse, but with all in my life), having great communication, and ensuring my husband knows every day that I CHOOSE him.
About 8 years ago, I went on a cabin trip with some friends. They were a very “Let’s ride ATV’s and camp out doors and drink beer” sort of group and I was very much…not that. I opted to staying at the cabin with the owners. The owners were an elderly couple who were marriage counselors. I asked them what the best possible advice could be that they could give to me. The wife informed me that they start every new session by asking what they find each other’s best quality to be. She knew that if the couple stated, “Oh I love his blue eyes” or “She has the most incredible smile,” that the relationship was DOOMED.
She said that the couple’s who admired internal traits- humor, kindness, loyalty, etc. were those that were going to last. She said think of your partner as a Christmas gift. You see this incredible wrapping paper with a magnificent bow and you think, “I want that one!” But soon enough, the paper is gone, the bow is forgotten and you are left with what is inside. Relationships are a lot like that. We can get so caught up in physical traits that we let internal traits be swept to the side. Looks fade. Admire and honor your partner for so much more than their physical appearance. My advice to you-Fall in love with their soul.
Which brings me to my main topic for today- The 5 Love Languages and Why Knowing your Partner’s is SO important:
1.Acts of Service
2. Physical Touch
4. Quality Time
5. Words of Affirmation
Here is a link to the book, if interested in learning more!
So it is believed that we as human beings have 5 love languages. We typically feel one or two more than the others and will utilize that in our everyday life.
For myself, I am really into words of affirmation. I like to tell my partner what it is I love or appreciate about them. I enjoy cards, notes, texts, etc. just reminding him of the way I feel. I am such a believer if something should happen to one of us tomorrow I never want him questioning my feelings/love/admiration for him.
For my husband, he is into acts of service. He will do the dishes, buy a snack that I enjoy, wash my car, etc. it is his way of showing me that he loves me. He will go the extra mile to just remember the little things.
Side note- When I was about 19, I was constantly dating the wrong guys. A good friend of mine said, “Candace, stop praising the guys who deem to buy you soup when you are sick. Find the guy that already knows the exact soup you want and happily brings it to you.” Fast forward nearly 10 years later and my husband (without knowing this story) created a soup can tower for me when I was sick, with flowers, and chocolates. Just makes me smile.
So you can see if I didn’t recognize that my husband doing those actions is his way of saying,”I Love You,” I may be sitting around waiting for my own love note and thinking he must not love me the way I love him. Recognize that for some couple’s your husband wanting to hold your hand, buy you a new purse, remember you enjoy chocolate chip cookies, doing a load of laundry and so forth is their love language. It may not align with yours, but they do love and appreciate you in the same way.
If you feel like your relationship is at a standstill and you’re not feeling appreciated and loved and so on, have this conversation. Discuss your love language and have them discuss theirs. Get to know one another on a deeper level. Your partner may appreciate you more than you ever actually knew.
I grew up with a father who would rarely vocalize that he loved me. We are also not a super touchy-feely huggy bunch. It’s not in my nature to just reach out and hug someone upon seeing or leaving them. My father would however drive to 5 different stores to find my birthday gift, would get me Subway sandwich and a cookie when I wasn’t feeling well, and constantly knew my favorite foods wherever we went. I didn’t realize until I was older that all of that was his love language. He felt every day that he was saying it in his own way.
Love language is incredibly important not only in your marriage, but in all relationships in your life.
Other fun relationship resources:
<– This book prompts you with a different question a day. There is a line for you to write your answer and your partner to write theirs. It lasts for 3 years and allows you to get to know each other even better each day!