Common Lies Every Mother Tells

Happy Mother’s Day to EVERY Mama out there! Thank you for following and supporting me!

We live in a very social media driven world. We think we are supposed to look or act a certain way, document our every move, and appear as though we have our shit together 24/7. COME ON. As a Motherhood Blogger, I post just about everything, but I refuse to portray this idealized image of my life for the sake of followers. I want those who come across my page to feel as if they know me and my life. In real terms through real images. Life is hard enough without feeling the need to compare ourselves with others. But we say a lot of BS to save face.

20180512_110715.jpg

So in honor of Mother’s Day…

I give you…

The common lies every mother tells:

  1. “We don’t let her watch TV. We believe in quality time 24/7. Our television is really just for the news and other current events. A decorative piece if you will.”
  2. “OMG No, our sex life hasn’t changed at all since having kids. We’re like rabbits. “
  3. “I love second day hair. I look like I stepped out of Vogue. No, I wanted to the apple sauce in my hair. Adds shine.”
  4. “I can totally remember the last time I shaved my legs.”
  5. “New car smell is really over-rated. I enjoy the smell of a lost bottle and the various crumbs that have made their way into every crevice. It adds character.”
  6. “‘I’ve never had to spend more than 5 minutes getting her in the car seat. I ask. She listens. It’s as easy as that.”
  7. “We never order take-out. We’re really just into all organic, cage-free, sugar-free, gluten-free, antioxidant-filled five course meals that I prepare from scratch.”
  8. “Man that sucks, your kid never naps. My kid asks,’ Can I please nap now!?”
  9. “My body looks AMAZING after baby. It’s like ‘Who had a kid? Not me!!”
  10. “Wow, you’re worried about aging? Not me. Those lines around my eyes just tell me I lived a laugh-filled life!”
  11. “You’ve had to take your child out of a restaurant? Not me! She sits politely with her hands folded in her lap and let’s me have a full conversation with my husband.”
  12. “It only took me ONE time to get this perfect picture. No filter or bribes! Can you believe it?”
  13. “I know I am a kick ass super mom. I don’t need to be reminded. Ever.”
  14. “No I enjoy all of my pots and pans scattered around the living room, they looked so lonely neatly stacked in the cabinets.”
  15. “I don’t need the glass of wine, but if the bottle is just sitting there…”
  16. “I get hit on all the time since becoming a mom! Like last week the cashier asked if he could walk me to my car.”
  17. “I like not being able to wear necklaces or earrings. One less hassle for me!”
  18. “Of course I still wear lingerie. You may call it flannel pajama bottoms, but to each their own.”
  19. “I love the marker scribbles across my walls. I get sick of looking at the same old gray paint every day.”
  20. “Baby music? Oh Em Gee it’s the best. Sometimes I sit there going ‘Daddy Finger Daddy Finger, play it again!'” ‘Wheels on the Bus, round 15? YES PLEASE!”

 

XOXO Candace

Also- If you enjoyed this post–please check out–Β 50 Things My Toddler Taught Me

 

5 thoughts on “Common Lies Every Mother Tells

  1. Number 1 as my kids are watching their 3rd episode of Team Umizumi…. ummm it’s to increase their mathematical knowledge?? Haha! These are great! Thanks for a good laugh! πŸ™‚

    1. I literally Almost Wet Myself, from laughing so hard!!😝😝 You Totally nailed this & it’s ALL TRUE!! Thanks So Much, I Really needed a good laugh!!

    2. Lol, I’ve got one still watching Barney!! So don’t feel bad, I’ve gotten to the point of watching Nickelodeon even when they’re GONE, 😝

Leave a Reply to Stephanie Miller Cancel reply