For me, confidence is key. I believe that happiness, success, self-esteem and so on can be tied back to confidence. We must first believe we are enough, before wanting those around us to believe it too. Notice that I say “wanting” and not “needing.” It’s okay to want people to like you, to think you’re attractive, funny, smart, charming, witty and so on. It’s really really okay to want those things and to wonder when someone doesn’t. It’s not okay to NEED it.
It took me a very long time before I realized that the bulk of my confidence was at the hand of another. I’d wait for encouraging words or praise. If someone else said it, oh then it must be true!
“I wasn’t sure if I looked good this morning, but I received a compliment so I must be!”
“I wasn’t sure if I deserved that promotion, but my friend said I did, so it must be true.”
But see the problem with all of that is when your friendship ends or that relationship falls apart, you are left with YOU. Now what do you think of yourself? Do you still think you’re attractive? Do you still think you deserve the job title you have? You need to be your number one fan and your own biggest supporter! You need to believe in all that you have to offer and not need to hear it from anyone else.
I’ve had those really unhealthy relationships and when they would end I was forced to sit with their negative thoughts, wonder my own worth, and start from square one. It would be hard. I would think they I must not be good enough, I must not be attractive, and I really must not have as much to offer as I initially thought, because the relationship didn’t work out. OMG. WHAT A SHAME.
You see with or without those relationships coming into my life I was still the same beautiful, glorious, stubborn, sarcastic person. Those characteristics didn’t change overnight, because someone failed to see them. So think about this, how many times a day do you see another person and think “Wow they’re attractive/ She’s got great shoes/ she’s such a good mom/ she’s so smart!” Or whatever the compliment may be and NOT SAY IT TO THEM? It happens all the time! If you leave the house feeling beautiful and NO ONE compliments you, it doesn’t change an ounce of your beauty. Don’t rely on the praise.
Now that I am a mother, it is my OBLIGATION that my daughter knows that she is EVERYTHING in this life. She’s enough in every way imaginable and she can do or achieve any damn thing she wants. I don’t want her to live her life in comparison with others or needing the feedback of kind words. I want her to have her own feed of kind words playing on a loop in her head.
Believe your own worth so your daughter can believe hers too. Our children are sponges. They see and soak up everything. So be the confident force of nature that you are. Realize you are only human so you will have your bad days, days you wonder if you’re the mom you always thought you would be, but at your core-you a force. A confident, beautiful force.